


Loss

by GatorGirl2016



Series: A Fic A Day [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comfort, Comforting Dean Winchester, Crying Castiel (Supernatural), Crying Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Non-Hunter Dean Winchester, Pet Owner Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25596499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GatorGirl2016/pseuds/GatorGirl2016
Summary: Castiel is grieving the loss of his beloved pet and Dean is there to comfort him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: A Fic A Day [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853566
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	Loss

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is way longer than a drabble but oh well. For anyone who has lost a pet, beware the feels of this fic.

Dean walked into the kitchen and dropped his keys on the counter. He grabbed a beer and sat at the table before exhaustion caused him to crumble to the floor. He popped the lid on the bottle and took a long drag. He smacked his lips as he set the bottle on the table and looked around, finally realizing that there was no dinner cooking and his husband hadn’t been waiting for him at the door to give him a kiss and a “How was your day, dear?”

“Cas,” Dean called into the silence. When he didn’t receive a reply, he called out for his husband even louder. Still no answer. Dean heaved his tired body to its feet and went off in search of Castiel. He checked the living room, bedroom, office, bathroom, and even the spare bedroom but his husband had vanished. As he walked back to the kitchen, he noticed the back door was slightly ajar.

Dean sighed heavily, now knowing where his husband was. Dean looked down at himself. His scrubs were covered in multiple bodily fluids ranging from vomit to urine. Being a veterinarian was never an easy job, even on the good days. He decided to go change before walking out to Cas.

Dean found his husband exactly where he knew he would. Cas was sitting underneath the willow tree, his body could barely be seen through all the hanging branches. Dean shuffled forward and scooped a few branches to the side so that he could walk underneath the canopy of leaves. He sat cross legged next to Cas who was resting his chin on his knees which were pulled up to his chest.

Cas didn’t even flinch as Dean sat next to him. His gaze was focused forward on the statue in front of him. It was a stone cat with angel wings curled up on a plaque that read “You have left our lives but will never leave our hearts.” Dean glanced at Cas and could see the dried tear tracks on his cheek.

They sat in silence for nearly ten minutes before Cas finally looked at Dean. “I’m sorry for not having dinner ready. It… hasn’t been a good day.”

“Baby, I’m not worried about dinner, I’m worried about you. Wanna tell me what happened?” Dean asked softly.

Cas sighed and looked back at the statue. “After you left for work, I decided to start spring cleaning a little early. I figured I’d start with our bedroom. I got everything dusted and polished and decided to clean under the bed next.” Cas paused as he fought against the sob that threatened to escape his throat. “I pulled a box out and opened it… and it… was full… of Angel’s things. There were toys and the collar I bought her when she was just a kitten.”

This time, Cas couldn’t stop the sobs. Dean watched as his normally strong husband collapsed on himself as a fresh wave of tears rolled down his cheeks. He pulled Cas into his arms, who immediately buried his face in Dean’s shirt. Dean stroked his hand up and down Cas’ back, trying to offer as much comfort to his distraught husband as possible.

“Her old bowls were in the box as well as the Christmas bandana I bought her when we took family pictures. There were so many pictures,” Cas cried between his sobs. “There was one from the first day I brought her home. Another for when I got into college. One from our wedding and one from when we got the letter that said we were approved for adoption. She will never even get to meet Claire!”

Cas cried even harder, staining Dean’s t-shirt with tears. Dean held his husband and let him cry, knowing it was the best thing for Cas. Angel had been Cas’ best friend for the past seventeen years. She had been a gift from Dean to Cas because he was being bullied in school. Cas had adored her from the moment he saw her at the humane society. Angel had always been by Cas’ side. She was somebody for Cas to talk to, to spoil, to curl up with at night, to love with all his heart. When Cas’ parents got divorced, Angel was there. When Cas got pneumonia and was stuck in bed for weeks, Angel was the one who kept him company. She was there for every up and down Cas’ life had to throw at him.

She had been special to Dean as well. She had listened when he practiced his proposal to Cas and had been the ring bearer for their wedding. She had been there when they both broke down crying, knowing that they were finally going to have the chance to become fathers. Dean didn’t show it like Cas, but he missed the fluffball.

“I just mi-miss her s-so much,” Cas cried. He looked up at Dean with watery eyes. “When will the pain stop?”

Dean though about Spot, the dog he had lost when he was a kid. He carded his fingers through Cas’ hair. “I’m not going to lie to you, sweetheart. That pain, it never really goes away. It just becomes apart of you and you learn to live with it. Eventually, you’re so used to it, that you don’t even realize it’s there until something comes along one day and exposes that pain all over again. It might make you pause in your steps for a second or it might leave you crying on the couch. One day, you’ll welcome those moments.”

Dean paused as a tear slid down his cheek. He took a shaky breath before continuing. “In those moments, you’ll relive all the wonderful memories you have of Angel. You’ll remember all the joy and happiness the two of you shared and you’ll be thankful for the time you had together. It will hurt to remember, but you’ll welcome it because there’s so much joy intertwined with that hurt. You won’t cry because it’s over, you’ll cry because it happened… and it was wonderful and beautiful.”

“I hate this! I hate how empty and alone I feel! It’s like there’s a hole in my chest and it won’t close,” Cas wailed, curling his fingers into Dean’s shirt.

“That’s because she took those claws of hers and carved a place in your heart. She’ll be there for the rest of your life and no other cat will ever be able to take her place. Even if we have a dozen more cats, the love you have for Angel will never falter or weaken. When you’re having a bad day, she’ll be there for you in spirit, ready to offer comfort. You just have to open your heart for her to do her job. She’ll never truly leave you, sweetheart.” Dean peppered kisses into Cas’ unruly hair.

Cas’s whole body shuddered as he took a breath. “I can’t imagine ever wanting another cat if this is what it feels like to lose them. I don’t know if I can go through this pain again.”

Dean nuzzled his nose against Cas’. “That’s because it’s all so raw. I would never expect you to get another cat right now. But, one day, when you’re ready, another kitten who needs you is going to walk into your life and claw its way into your heart just like Angel did. You’ll shower it with all the love and affection you have to offer because that’s what it needs and that’s who you are.”

“I don’t think I’ll be ready for a long time,” Cas whispered.

Dean smiled softly at his husband. “That’s ok. Take the time you need to heal and when you’re ready, it will happen.”

Cas tried to smile back at Dean, but it was weak at best. “Thank you for not making fun of me or telling me it was just a cat.”

Dean huffed at the ridiculousness of such a thought. “Sweetheart, I work with animals for a living. I know how attached people get to their pets. Pets become family and losing a family member is never easy. Sometimes, we have such a close bond with out pets that they can be harder to lose than family. Everything you’re feeling now is completely valid and I will always be here to support you.”

“I love you,” Cas whispered before pressing his lips to Dean’s.

A few months later, Dean came home late, a carrier in his hand. Cas walked out of the kitchen, Claire in his arms. “What’s that?”

Dean smiled at his husband and daughter as he unlocked the carrier and reached inside. He pulled out a tiny orange kitten. “This little guy is the sole survivor of his whole litter. He’s pretty weak and is going to need round the clock care. I volunteered to bring him home until he’s strong enough to be put up for adoption.”

Claire reached her hands out toward the kitten. “Kitty,” she cried. Cas put her down and watched her toddle to her daddy. Dean squatted and let her pet the kitten softly on its head.

Cas wandered over and stared at the tiny ball of fluff. He gasped when Dean put the kitten in his hands. He looked up at Dean with wide eyes. “Dean, I-I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Just hold him for a minute while I go change and I’ll take him back,” Dean said as he headed towards their bedroom.

Cas looked at the little kitten and smiled as he felt it start purring. He stroked a single finger down its body and couldn’t help but grin. When the kitten looked at him with big green eyes and licked at the tip of his finger, Cas felt his heart melt. He pressed his lips to the tiny forehead.

When Dean walked back into the kitchen a minute later, Cas looked at him and said, “I’m ready now.”


End file.
